poem: my dear non grieving friends

 t/w death and grief

Something a bit different- a poem I wrote called ‘My dear non grieving friends’. I was conscious of saying things like ‘we’ and ‘us’ because needless to say everyone grieves differently, and not everyone is a chronic oversharer like myself; this is simply based on my own experience as a grief novice.


My dear non grieving friends, it’s okay to not understand 

I can see how you might feel helpless, but there are ways to lend a hand.

My dear non grieving friends, it’s okay to not relate

I, too, for twenty two years was also in an unknowing state 

Where it seems so hard to say the right thing

Easier to not make the call 

But in reality saying something  

Is almost always better than nothing at all. 

You see grief makes you feel like an alien

Far away, different and alone

But acknowledging it can validate it

Making you feel less on your own. 


My dear non grieving friends, it’s okay that your lives go on

Of course the shock has largely worn off, but don’t forget they are still gone.

My dear non grieving friends, I know it’s so cliché

But a reminder that grief has no timeline, and doesn’t just go away.

But perhaps don’t just ask ‘How are you?’

It seems too generic to know

As I’ve felt 100 different emotions 

In just this week alone.

But if you can that checking in message 

Is always nice to receive 

Just a simple "thinking of you today"

Could be exactly what we need.


My dear non grieving friends, it’s okay to say their name

It’s nice to be given the chance to talk, instead of masking all the pain. 

My dear non grieving friends, you won’t catch me off guard

More often than not they’re on my mind despite my seeming façade. 

Sometimes we’ll want to address it

And keep their memory alive

A reminiscent conversation about them 

Can be comforting and nice 

But yes being distracted

Can be also what we need

So bringing it up gives you the chance 

To then follow our lead.


My dear non grieving friends, there are some things that can’t be fixed

It can be tough to accept when you want to help but really grief and solutions don’t mix. 

My dear non grieving friends, please don’t offer advice

Take me on a walk, be there to listen, or sit with me whilst I cry

I know I’m lucky in so many ways, I don’t need to be told

So try not to offer silver linings like “at least your family is gold”

Because I’m the first to admit that I am blessed 

But it doesn’t change the pain 

Of missing the person you love

And the thought of not seeing them again.


My dear non grieving friends, it’s okay to laugh at our jokes

I know you might feel uncomfortable but really the laughter brings hope.

My dear non grieving friends, I’m so grateful for you 

Without all your support I don’t know what I’d do

For it is you guys who have been there

No matter what or when 

And it is you guys who have shown me

It’s possible to feel happy again



I hope you like it. 

Lots of love, Ruby

:)

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